So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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