me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
do nipples grow back?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
