man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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