dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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