I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
