Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
