Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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