is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
