She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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