I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
