Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
