yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
