Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
