she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
