you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
