i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
