first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
