I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I believe in your delicious
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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