My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
