We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
