Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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