Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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