I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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