happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
