alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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