Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
