What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
