So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
