I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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