Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
