she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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