last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
