I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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