Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well you can't waste a boner
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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