Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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