And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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