Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
