sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My brain says no but my pants say off.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
