Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They are going to name an STD after you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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