Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
