Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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