so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
