i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
