Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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