its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
