i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
