I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
