dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
