Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
