I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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