Are we in a gay sports bar?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
