i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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