Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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