i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
