alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
