Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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