I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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