I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize