On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
