i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
