rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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