I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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