im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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