Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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