I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
