RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
