It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
