I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
