It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Everything about him screamed your future.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
