apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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