i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
