Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
