Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
