How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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