i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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