his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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