Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
