How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize