My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
