My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
