Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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