Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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